December 2017 in pictures

A word for 2018

The word for 2018 is           MULTIPLY

2018 will be a year of multiplication. To my physical family, and to my spiritual family in GCB.

I think that word has been slowly simmering at the bottom of my heart for a while. A double increase, or maybe even triple. But the impression of the word came very clear to me at HTBB’s Christmas service.

My first reaction was like WOW, that is already coming true in ways I did not expect. Second reaction was one of doubt/fear/worry. Like, how am I gonna deal with this increase? How are WE gonna deal with this multiplying?

But the Holy Spirit straightaway replied,

“Do not fear the increase. Do not worry. I will carry you through.”

Inside, I’m still like YEAAAAaaaaahhhhhh…… and shrinking a little. God, help my unbelief!

13-word love stories of mine

I love LOVE love stories. Probably because I’m a hopeless romantic. In spite of everything that has happened, I still believe in the power of love. And actually I don’t mind being a third wheel, because I’ve been a third wheel throughout most of my life and the couples I’ve been around have never felt uncomfortable.

For the past year, somehow people keep sharing the Modern Love column articles at New York Times on facebook. Reading through them has been so sweet and even endearing, at times.

Recently in this article, they asked readers to submit their own 13-word love stories. Some of them were so sweet, like cotton candy sweet, and some had a bittersweet aftertaste. Some were cute, and some had a tinge of cynicism. After reading through ALL of them, I was pretty inspired to write my own one(s).

There’ve only been two times in my life that my relationship to the opposite sex has blossomed into something more than friends. But relationships? It’s only been one.

The first story:

Good friends became summer fling. We knew it was over before we started.

I know if some friends read this, they’d go, I KNEW IT!! But it wasn’t even a summer fling. It was a summer crush, and that more on my part. We couldn’t and wouldn’t start even if we could. The religion piece always held us back. I was too rational even then.

The second story:

First love – crazy, impulsive. For him – tiring, immature. We’re both better off now.

This was when I fell in love madly for the first time in my life. As Cheryl Fernando said to me, I know how you feel right? It’s like suddenly all the love songs in the world make sense. And the world is such a beautiful place. At least, that’s what I remember of the conversation, as we rattled up to Kedah in her tiny little Kelisa, and I wondered how safe we really were.

Sometimes in the aftermath of the breakup, I wondered if it was all real. I guess that was how much of a shock it was to me. If I had a choice, I wish that I hadn’t had this relationship, more out of pride perhaps. MAINLY because I’ve always wanted my first boyfriend to become my husband. But looking back on how I behaved in the relationship – it brought out so much ugly, I think God knew what He was doing. Maybe He let someone else kind of take the fall and work out all the crazy immaturity and show me what a psycho I could be, so that I can be more……stable and won’t scare my future husband away.

My experiences have shown me one thing: while it isn’t exactly hard to meet someone and be attracted to them, it’s not easy to meet someone and love them for who they are. And for them to love you for who you are.

One of my favourite quotes:

But I already have that with my original true first love. Here’s my last and ongoing story:

Fifteen years and counting. My light, pillar, friend, rock. To more adventures together! ❤︎