March 2018 thoughts

It’s 12am. My plan on sleeping earlier has been derailing as the week wears on. Social media is beauty sleep’s worst enemy.

But I am thankful. This week I went for my American student visa interview and I think it went well. That has been an added stress factor at the back of my head.

My cough is still here. For whatever reason, the phlegm is pretty full on still. There’s been one day that had been cough free – yesterday afternoon till today afternoon. But I do get better when I sleep. Maybe that’s a sign to sleep more.

I can’t believe March is practically over and Songkran is just around the corner.

 

 

In a pickle about….nothing

I don’t know how else to put it, except that I’ve been worrying over my USA visa interview unnecessarily. So kancheong over something that’s not a big deal, REALLY. It shouldn’t be, because I know I tick all the boxes, and I have all the right documents in place (or do I?!?! Feel like I should go check for the umpteenth time even though the interview is still days away.) All I’m saying is that I will be able to really sleep well when this is over. This is like the final hurdle.

Once I clear this, I’ll be set. Even now, I hear the Holy Spirit, Mum & Dad all reprimanding me for getting myself worked up about nothing.

“Mou yeh hou zou ah lei…..go do housework or occupy yourself. Sot ga lei…. “

Yes, I’ve literally visited the US embassy website at least 10 times in the past 2 months, obsessed over every little detail and fine print. A colleague even told me, ‘Wow, Steph, I hope your Master’s is worth it.’

Me too. But somehow, I think it’s gonna be.

Why I Keep Lifting

This is one of those posts that exist to remind myself why I need to continue what I’m doing. (Also, for those of you who are curious as to why I even chose lifting.)

Yup I know, for some people, it’s a fad or a way to look cool.

Why I first started: 1) vanity and 2) something to replace running. I enjoyed running but the reality is I could feel those aches in my knees and I don’t have the best technique – just kept getting the feeling that I would wear my body out prematurely before its time so I looked for an alternative. Then back to the first reason: vanity. Running didn’t help me keep a flat tummy. In fact, my physique didn’t really change much. So I was like, hmmm I wanna look good. How do I go about it?

When Florence invited me to join her on these Community WOD sessions organized by some gung-ho fellas in random gyms – calling themselves Honey Badgers – I went along. That’s when I realised how WEAK I was. By the time we were done with the stretching alone, I WAS DONE. So I thought, hm let’s give it a shot, plus I wanted broader shoulders.

After moving back to KL, I bit the bullet and joined Honey Badgers. It was gruelling at first. But I thought, hey at least this is a sport I can do with my bf (at the time). Then we broke up and I considered giving it up. By this time, however, I’d met some craaaazy peeps and made some awesome friends at the gym that I decided to stick with it. And lifting then became a form of therapy, to deal with all the anger and all the grief. Plus, we also had really long chats about live, love and everything else in between sets (HAHAHAHA sorry coach Kelvin) and that was always nice.

Somewhere along the line, Gee started joking that I should compete and create the GPA World Record for females in the U44kg category. That renewed my motivation to push myself further and to be disciplined. We tackled that in earnest and while I lost, I still broke my PRs at the comp which felt really, really good. In fact, I bought a powerlifting suit to force myself to keep competing.

Now, the suit sits in my closet but I know, someday, I will compete again. And even though today I feel like quitting, I won’t. Because if I quit in this, I might set a precedent for other things. That thought horrifies me.

[When I was in primary school, we learnt a Chinese idiom called “半途而废”. When I understood what it meant, I made up my mind that I will always do my best to see something to the end. If I quit something, it has to be well thought through and for very good reasons – not just because I feel like it. And if I can’t even persist in lifting when it gets tough, how am I going to run the race of life? Hebrew 12:1 always comes to mind when I want to give up on something.)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us …

So today sucked. Big time. I didn’t even finish my WOD. In fact, I sat on the side and had a good cry. But tonight I will rest and tomorrow everything won’t seem as hard.