The last 2.5 years, my creative juices seemed to have dried up. I gradually stopped writing because I didn’t know how to write or what to write. I stopped playing music too. There were short spurts here and there every few months but nothing consistent. Consumption-wise, I hardly read or listened to music. The only media I regularly consumed was social media and Netflix.
But late last year, I discovered the wonder of audiobooks through the public library. So I have started “reading” again. And recently I started listening to music again. I’m not sure what has changed.
Is it that I finally have adapted to life in America? Maybe.
It wasn’t really just about moving countries, you know.
It was dealing with immigration uncertainties.
It was transitioning from long-distance communication to full-on day-to-day relating in my relationship with KC
It was learning the ropes of how to run a small business.
It was navigating my newly-uncovered childhood traumas and facing my demons.
Those are the immediate things that come to mind, that I found the most difficult. Last year was a really prime year, literally, because 2023 is also a prime number. We finally settled our wedding in Malaysia and boy, that was a relief. There were quite a few times I contemplated burning the deposit and just not do the whole thing. My parents were able to come to US for the first time, especially Mummy, and they could see how I lived with the community I’ve told them so much about. (Technically Dad had been here for work in 1996 but it was only for 2 nights so it kinda doesn’t really count.)
When we came back from Malaysia in November, it was like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. So I guess those juices are starting to flow again. And dear God, I need them to flow. Because I still have one more weight to lift.
My final project for the Master’s in Music Education. I don’t know exactly how useful it will be in the future from this vantage point in my life, where most of my energies go into building our small businesses. But I know and trust that the effort I pour into this project will benefit our community. I am loving what I am reading and the stuff that is turning up in research. However, it is very difficult for me to be fully coherent in writing because there is just so much information and my brain is still trying to make sense of it all.
“It’s going to come out well.” I can say that because I trust that the Spirit has led me here. There’s a good excitement about this project, because I feel like I’m given the opportunity to reimagine music education to whatever and however I want it to be. There’s no stipulated curriculum content to deliver, no state or school-directed musical objectives or standards. It can be as much as I want. Or as little.
Thank you to my small group who are praying and are prepared to be silent work partners alongside my writing process. Thank you to Seulgee-eonni who is taking the time to check in on me weekly to keep me accountable. Thank you to my advisor, Dr Howard who has been so patient with me as I kept on meaning to get started on this project but each time got sidetracked due to life events.
Now back to research & writing!
learn and live 